Section Epsilon  Lesson Two: Implications For Interpersonal Relationships  The Cooperative Level of Existence  The implications of spiritual reconnection have profound impact upon how humans think about, and interact with, one another. Once humanity has been reconnected with the inner moral guidance, the next step is to build cooperation, intimacy, and community with others.  This is a quality that was apparent in more historical cultures and can still be found in many rural environments. The urban world has much difficulty maintaining such an atmosphere, a state that encourages fear and anxiety on a daily basis.  As humans successfully interact and connect with one another, they begin to take each other further into their own self-concept. They begin to respond to each other's thoughts, feelings and actions as if they were their own. For once the connection need is discovered and honored, there can be no turning back to the conditions of isolation. Indeed, a new stage of existence unfolds, one which coincides with embracing the higher purpose of self-development.  A state of trust leads to a state of greater intimacy and vice versa. Like grape vines in the process of producing fruit, the more people become connected to each other, the more unlikely the connection will be broken.  At this stage, not one, but two purposes are accommodated with thought and action. Each emotional signal not only tells the body to self-preserve, but it also now tells the mind to self-develop in ways that now and forever consider the pain of all others before each action. At this stage, each human relationship is based upon the understanding of the interrelation and inescapable spiritual interconnectedness that is The Way. Strategies of competition and violation are simply outdated ways of thinking when one truly embraces the spiritual connection. Actions which hurt another are felt as painfully as hurt to the self and become outdated vestiges of an uncivilized past.  People begin to move from the self-absorbed state to the altruistic state, with an awareness of and empathy with others in our environment. As we move from the material to the spiritual stage in our development, the wealth developed in a competitive system becomes less important compared with more evolved pursuits and values.  This self merging is a necessary accomplishment for the divine path to unfold. The complete individual self, the mind, body, and spirit, must be brought together first and foremost, and then melded with the purposeful motion of each and every other mind, body, and spirit for true progress to occur. This was the intended message of the earlier wisdom offered, but its meaning became distorted. Self-melding should now replace any mutated ideas about self-sacrifice, martyrdom, and rising above self. With self-development, nothing need be lost, and everything can be gained.  Discovering our inner spirit is probably what was meant by: "To love God (our own divine nature) with all thy heart, mind and being; and to love thy neighbor (seeing the divine in him/her) as thyself." Once we know and appreciate our own true nature, we can naturally move on to relating to others in the same way.  When this transition has been successful, the dominant feelings become trust and faith which motivate the higher actions. The grander, larger sense of time and meaning begin to come to the fore as the chaotic, fear-driven life of self-protecting isolation is overcome. Reclaiming the meaningful messages within each emotional signal, will direct the choice of actions within all three purposes. As mindscapes are further refined, fewer distress signals are necessary---because life is working as it should be. This is a state of unimpeded energy flow within and between all spiritual embodiments and brings its own emotional rewards.  This is an intended and natural process that has been subverted by those who were intent on establishing control over others and who still maintain that control by extolling the fear of evil and violence so readily tied to particular personalities, be they the devil or some foreign leader. Even within a society, there are always those who are eager to blame whatever is seen as wrong with society on those in charge of it at the moment or those who should be in prison. Fear as the tool, is effective only as long as inner guidance is ignored.  Intimacy & Community: The Gift of Sharing  There are tremendous individual and group benefits at this level of existence. Two heads can do far more than one, and the more they interact the more progress can be made. Cooperation is the most basic level of interpersonal relationships, and the next is called intimacy.  We forget, sometimes, that we are a collective, separated by our individualized personalities, our individual free will and our capability to create our own reality, but a "collective" all the same. Because of this, we have an unlimited opportunity to cooperate with each other and, in doing so, to reap the rewards of such effort.  World peace rests upon international community. Community rests only upon the strength of cooperative intimate trust between its individual members. It is easy to cooperate with another human being toward some common goal; yet it is quite another matter to remove all defenses, share your darkest secrets, and bare your soul before another. The more successful this melding of spirits, the more trusting and intimate the relationship can be. The more intimacy, the more potential information for self-development and expression of both parties involved.  In a world where allies and enemies change roles from one decade to the next, and there have been juxtapositions of contradiction during even the same time period, and countries have had nuclear missiles pointed at each other while promoting cultural and student exchanges. In fact, it's a rule of social relations that the more people learn about what they have in common, the more difficult it is to remain at odds. When both sides are moving toward establishing areas of trust, cooperation is likely to follow.  Intimacy means far more than the commonly accepted definitions which capture the physical component. It is the condition wherein there has been a meeting of two individual minds, or more accurately, building of a common-ground third cooperative mind, thought of as "us." This is the basic building block of all mass consciousness, which is the culmination of all such common-ground agreements within all communities of humans. Intimacy can be thought of as "into-me-see." It is about honesty, integrity and of opening one's self to the view of another.  A world that moves toward "intimacy" is a world full of fewer "me's" and more "us's". A world where the "whole" is greater than the sum of its "parts", and is a natural result of spiritual evolution.  Intimacy can be built within any relationship. Building intimacy begins with perspective taking. It begins with standing in the other person's shoes and becoming acquainted with their particular unique worldview and mental lens. It involves the connection to another without resistance, pretense, power games, or false image. For it involves the open, trusting, compassionate, and faithful understandings of true spiritual connection.  The Native American knew that to understand another person required a period of time (a moon cycle) of walking in that person's shoes to truly understand that person's perspective. They just put it in less contrived terms. Once the complexities of relationships are removed, life becomes much less stressful. That alone should serve as sufficient motive.  Universal love energy itself bases the connection which completes a circuit. Once loving connection is established, it can never be severed, regardless of any temporary violations or limiting conditions. Such a connection exists regardless of minor disagreements or even mistakes and self-preservationary actions which reduce the flow. Such a connection can be---and should be---remembered in each moment. Intimacy is the condition which allows the most freely flowing spiritual energy between two entities. The more complete the energy flow, the deeper the connection and the greater the benefit.  Without getting too "gushy" about it, we can expand our circle of loved ones, one person at a time. Naturally, we'll tend to gravitate toward the most loveable first, but eventually we will begin to try to understand the others in our environment and realize that what they really lack is a true affection for themselves.  The Energy Dynamics of Intimacy  Specifically, when the body, mind, and spirit within any two individuals are aligned in a singular purpose, there is maximum expression possible by both. The mind contains the gems that allow the spiritual its free expression. When the two are united in a relationship, a common goal, or even a simple conversation, there will be a circular flow of spiritual energy exchanged between them. Spirit itself is energy; energy which contains information that when adequately expressed becomes part of mass consciousness. Or in other words, to the degree that common understandings are attained, that energy is manifested as a physical cultural condition. Such energy networks form the basis of all spiritual expression in the physical realm.  What transpires between two people, be they intimates or just good friends, is that energy which defies mere words. To experience it is to understand it, but to describe it is to limit it, and yet being aware that such exists is an essential step toward seeing the "spirit" quality in all things.  This flow can be likened unto a circulating river of spiritual energy. As the purposeful expressions of one are received by another, it is clearly resonant and recognizable in joyous pleasure. This is the spiritual validation of true connection and meaningful expression. This river can be slowed down or sped up depending upon the amount of expression and receptivity of both parties---determined solely by the beliefs of mind.  Once again it is suggested that our "beliefs" serve as the governors of our understanding and appreciation of the spiritual aspect of our environment. This material suggests quite clearly that spirit is complimented and enhanced by the mere sharing of ourselves with another.  To those fear-driven entities that seek to hide from the vulnerability of open intimacy, let it be known that there is no such escape. Spiritual energy that is put forth is unmistakable to the feeling systems of others. The energy put forth cannot be falsified, it either flows freely or is prevented. It flows freely bearing the information of all combined beliefs of mind and needs of body. The more enlightened the entities, the more conscious awareness and sensitivity to this energy correspondingly develops. But regardless of conscious awareness, the emotional system will move the body to respond to what energy is put forth.  Those who know this energy and know the importance of reflecting and expressing it, have the satisfaction of enjoying the free flow that results, even if the reciprocation is not immediately forthcoming. All things considered, reaching that state of knowing was probably also slow in becoming.  Conflict  When either party has a sliver, or any strategy that is not within all three purposes, it will invoke resistance that can slow the flow until it is discovered and removed. When the expression is slowed, limited or reduced in any way, feelings of frustration will naturally result. This is the external manifestation of conflict. The same type of conflict can exist between mind and body, or within the mind of any one individual; but this is the external manifestation of conflicting beliefs which lie between two people. The negative feeling signals remain exactly the same, as do the optimal responses.  Conflict, then, becomes an educational tool, to alert one or both to the presence of something that needs to be examined internally, so that this "sliver" can be identified and removed. Of course, it takes both to make this search and a willingness to accept that the "fault lies not with our stars but with ourselves", to quote Shakespeare. Of course, if it's the other person with the "sliver," a good friend will help him/her find and resolve it.  But the body's common response to such fearful or angry frustration is to invoke the urge to fight or to take flight. With both parties feeling the frustration, there are twice as many chances for unhealthy reactions. These urges bring about resistance and the deadly habits which are the enemies of intimate connection and the antithesis of spiritual intention. The physical result is the shutting down of the energy flow, causing backlogs which must be then expressed in some other way. Such resistance and closing off to one another is the basis for most all forms of distancing, conflict, arguments, and losses of intimacy, as well as a great deal of unnecessary emotional pain. The innate natural morality that arises from mindscapes designed to honor all human needs and purposes can direct actions which can avoid disconnection.  The "conflicts" that take place in our homes and on our streets, are but microcosmic reflections of what is observed and often indulged in on an international level. When those who profess to be the leaders of their respective societies resort to resolving differences through the exercise of violence against another group (or a particular leader of a group), it establishes a pattern of behavior, reinforced through our entertainment industry, in which the "fight" solution is glorified as being not the "acceptable", but the only solution.  Resolving these external conflicts requires the same examination of the events, the existing beliefs and the identification of the conflicting ideas. Then, and only then, can resolution occur. There can be respectful ways of approaching such conflicts, but communication and resolution must occur if the energy flow is to be restored and progress is to continue. Following the rules of response, having faith and invoking the life-giving habits can mediate conflicts quickly and clearly and keep all such connections strong. These guidelines will allow the innate, natural morality to emerge and dictate action choices.  In a small country in Central America (Costa Rica), there exists (or did once exist) something called "The University For Peace". Its area of study consists of teaching the tactics of conflict resolution to young people who would master them and return to their respective countries to seek opportunities to put them into practice. In Caux, Switzerland every year, people from a vast array of countries and walks of life gather to face their national opponents and speak frankly and openly about their differences, in an honest sincere attempt to better understand their fellow human beings. These are some of the "gems" that await greater polishing and serve as hope for a world of peace.  Although natural human morality is the same in every interaction, intimacy is more of a selective choice. The choice for an intimate relationship will relate to the spiritual fulfillment and longevity found in the friendship or union. There are levels of intimacy that one can choose, depending upon the nature of the relationship. The same actions and choices would not necessarily be the best ones at different levels of intimacy. Less intimacy is necessary for temporary, distant, public, or professional relationships, while the deepest intimacy would be called for in a loving, committed union. There are four basic classes of relationships, each with its own, most effective, level of intimacy.  "Intimacy" can be as formal or as informal as we choose it to be. Once the mutual understanding is reached as to the perimeters of a relationship, progress can begin and a goal can be visualized.  The Fellowship Relationship  This is the broadest, perhaps least personal or intimate relationship of the physical realm, yet it is the one that exists between fellow spirits. The enlightened approaches to this most basic of relationships, are those set forth within these lessons. Enlightened interactions and choices are those that consider all humans within the sense of connected self. One that does not limit the sphere of self-fellows to anything less than one that contains each and every human being. One that does not resist or deny rightful human respect.  It is connecting with those who are strangers that often serves as the greatest challenge. The "fear of the unknown" combined with an environment where most of the people we come into contact with are "unknowns", as a daily experience, leads us to often regard the world as a cold, unfriendly place. This tends to be more true in urban areas, but it can also be found in small towns where everyone knows everyone else and outsiders are regarded with suspicion.  There need not be any direct interactions within the fellowship relationship. In fact, related fellows need never even cross physical paths. But they do affect one another. All actions and expressions which become part of the external world can affect human fellows. The energy contribution alone will have its effect upon everyone physically encountered. With connection, a sneer from a bitter, angry, isolated human is felt as keenly and understood as keenly by a passerby as is a friendly smile or kind word. But this is particularly true for humans whose destiny paths have taken their expressions into the public spotlight. These will be the most influential contributors to the mass mind.  Sometimes, the most disturbing experiences one can have with another human being is when we encounter hostility from those we don't even know. The opposite is also true, a kind word or smile from a stranger can make one's day. A friendly compliment directed toward a store clerk can have a reciprocating effect on down the line, as that person adopts a cheerful attitude and affects the next person he/she deals with. We need not necessarily have a strong bond with someone to affect their life in a positive way. Of course, those most visible in society can also have the most influence on how society relates to itself.  With this influence comes the responsibility to put forth expressions in keeping with enlightened, connected, cooperative humanity and away from those of the limited, competitive, survival level of existence. Expressions--- whether they be words, songs, books, poetry, stories, news, counsel, or legislation---should promote all universal spiritual values. They should advocate maximum freedom for choice of cultural values, and establish the most possible need-meeting opportunities, and exchange of spiritual resources. Those that set forth expressions, opinions, and values which promote resistance, division, or remove freedoms or opportunities from others do dishonor to their fellow humans.  They also do "dishonor" to themselves, and if they are public figures, they do it in a most public way. But whether we are public or private individuals, we carry with us the duty to promote the quality of spirit in whatever walk of life we find ourselves. In doing so, we grow along with the collective consciousness.  The Professional Relationship  This is the least intimate of the direct personal relationships. It encompasses what is termed an "acquaintance," wherein the paths have crossed for any particular reason, yet no intimate action has occurred. But generally at this level, humans have come together united for some group purpose, whether it be a business corporation, a political group, an educational goal, a public event, an artistic effort, or one of religion. But at this level, there is not much intimacy at all, there is no need to share as many aspects of self. Nor is much necessary, as long as it is understood that the rules of emotional response should always be honored, and all life-giving habits utilized.  Here is an opportunity to put into practice some of the guidelines spoken of in these Lessons, while withholding a full emotional investment in the outcome of events. If the other party with whom we are involved does not share the same view and values, it will soon become apparent and either the relationship will improve or it will dissolve. However, on a professional level it can still be maintained for practical purposes. Either way, little emotional damage need be incurred.  Clear communication of all goals and processes toward achieving them, is the emphasis at this level. The challenge is in accomplishing group goals without compromising any rightful individual purposes or needs, and without violating the rights of others. Individuals will constantly need to learn and rely upon adept social skills, tactful communication, conflict negotiation, and persuasion to attain consensus without compromising honesty or integrity. Solid bonds and powerful group actions can result with hardly any level of intimate, personal exchange.  To borrow a cliche, "Business is Business!" That said, it is also a pretext for the smooth functioning, cooperative exercise of creative action, based on guidelines of spirit involvement, where humans can put egos aside and blend their efforts toward a shared vision.  In fact, until civilization fully embraces the enlightened understandings, there will be an intense need for privacy between these public and private spheres of interaction. This springs from the freedom need, freedom from a world far too limiting. This condition also creates an even more intense need for intimacy and honest open sharing within the safety of home environments. Every entity needs a place of beauty and intimate sharing. A respite, a haven of intimacy to return to after a harsh day of taxing professional interactions in the world choked with the limitations of mass consciousness.  Herein lies the true importance of intimate relationships on a private level. When we support those who face a less than spiritual world on a daily basis, we are doing the equivalent of healing the sick and comforting the poor in spirit, preparing the other to face the cold climate of indifference and, often, callus disregard for human/spirit values.  Most human job opportunities involve this type of more external relationship. The contractual obligations and time allocations of the standard workday do not lend themselves to more intimate interactions. But mistakes are made in both directions by those involved in professional relationships. Some attempt to build inappropriate levels of intimacy is time-consuming and can work against the performance requirements. But by far, most errors come from the lack of connection, cooperation, and trust. Defensive territoriality keeps many such group efforts from attaining anywhere near their most effective level. Insubordination, infighting, and even sabotage are common occurrences. There is no room for such survival level strategies and reactions within cooperative frameworks. They are simply like cancers that stop energy flow in its tracks by denying the connections.  When our "work" becomes our life, it follows that the nature of these professional relationships is eventually transferred into how we relate to those with whom we share more intimate relations, to the detriment of the latter. The "work" environment is more conducive of the "competitive" school of conduct, even when people cooperate to reach a goal in the war of competing against a rival. All this brings forth the judgment that "It's a jungle out there." Understanding this will help us cope with what we are required to deal with, without surrendering to these lower vibrations.  Entities involved in professional relationships should make contributions that establish group values and frameworks wherein each individual can meet their needs and purposes within the context of the mission and goals of the group. They should build group values and standards that encourage self-development, the most free-flowing communication, and conflict negotiation to gain the maximum value from expressions of each member. From such strategies will come tremendous success toward group goals and minimize any self-preservationary reactions. Such a climate can also build bonds which might move some to step up to the next level of intimacy, that of friendship.  Those in positions of responsibility and leadership can set examples that serve to inspire the type of conduct that reflects spirit coming through. To do so, personal prejudices have to be put aside. There is no place for favoritism based on unjustified biased leanings. Each person has to know that he/she is valued on the basis of what they can do, in line with their particular abilities and chosen limitations.  Friendship  A friend is one who can freely exchange personal experiences with another in an unimpeded way. A friend is a comrade and compassionate confidant in the game of life. A friend can offer a broader and less restricted form of interaction that is more intimate, more safe, more honest and free-flowing. There will be no need for many intermediary forms of communication and negotiations, for the realms of the individual minds will overlap far more. There can be a more immediate, unimpeded, and rewarding flow of energy between friends.  It is the oldest friendships that are valued the most because of the history of trust being so strong. We make friends throughout our lives, but those relationships that go back the farthest are the most comfortable. Even as lives diverge and common interests are fewer, it is still the fact that each knows the other so well and respects each other's confidentiality that maintains the bond. Would that we could establish such a two-way street with our higher selves.  Friendships usually occur based upon some mutual commonalties and interests which operate as boundaries for interactions. The more intimate the friendship and the more common choices and interests, the deeper that friendship can be. Interactions between humans at this level involve some form of regular exchange of energy which springs from conversations, recreational activities, educational exchanges, Socratic discussions---any activities wherein there is some meeting of the minds and sharing of experience.  Without sharing, friendships tend to be pretty one-sided. But, sometimes that is the nature of the friendship until, or unless, there is sufficient interest in expanding it on both sides. Some friendships are older than either party is aware of, and the ties that bind people may extend relationships of which neither has a conscious memory. In such cases, commonality is not a factor and sometimes, the relationship is more adversarial than friendly. However, it's just as essential, if not more so.  In the discussion of human development, such interactive forums were recommended within families for the maximum self-development of incoming children. Through friendship, all the same benefits can arise through an entire lifetime of adult development. The benefit being of course, that you can freely choose who comes into the sphere. The intimacy of friendship offers new arenas for self-development, wherein the feedback from intimate others can often point out patterns kept hidden by resistant tendencies within the self. It takes faith, honor, trust, and courage to be, and to have, a true friend.  Those who are insecure in themselves are often the most friendless. This is because if a friend even hints that the person is lacking in some fashion, the reaction is to immediately terminate the friendship. This is unfortunate, because if one remains open to a loving observation, it can serve as a positive feedback tool to educate us into a broader perspective of ourselves. This, in turn, reduces our insecurity. When humans come into contact with one another, they will feel attractions to those that can most freely exchange energy with them. The more the energy is allowed to flow, the more the spirit expresses, and the more attractive this person will be to others, and vice versa. Friendships can be built with most anyone, depending upon the rate of mutual self-development and energy exchange. There will also be natural, spiritually familiar relationships wherein a nearly instantaneous recognition and attraction occurs, allowing intimacy to begin immediately. These are often the result of creative energies following the spiritual destiny path, combined with the existing conditions of mind. Such a friend can enter a life and dramatically alter its course and be off again on a different track.  The length of a friendship is not always the measure of its significance in one's life. There are occasions when an intense meeting of minds and emotions for a short period can alter the very course of a person's life, for the better or worse. Each friendship, like every other experience, has educational value. However, our best and most reliable "friend" will always be our inner self.  There will also be certain relationships where there are inexplicable repulsions and dislikes, also relating to certain challenges along the destiny path. Situations wherein people will be thrown together with little in common, yet entangled in necessary relationships. In either case, the rules of emotional response and avoidance to deadly habits will facilitate the most productive and fulfilling relationship.  What we learn from a "relationship" may far outweigh the pleasure we get from such. If the "friendship" is going in a negative direction and threatens to result in unjustified pain, an honest expression of its value may be in order. While this may cause some temporary pain, it could avoid complicated entanglements down the road.  But when creative reality is fully understood, humans will begin to see exactly how both positive and negative kinds of people are attracted into the life. For if the mindscape insists that some people must always be in one's life, existing as the proverbial thorn in the side, such will be the case. If there was some inescapable annoying or hurtful person in the early life experience, this belief can take root. Even if the original antagonist moves on, another will quickly manifest to fill the void. Humans can be especially enlightened by finding the meaning within each such person who enters this life. There will always be powerful learning potentials, for angels can come in some challenging packages.  We attract to ourselves what or whom we need to grow in body, mind and spirit. Those who serve the role of antagonists are there only because we need them. Once we've grown beyond that kind of "need", we will begin to attract those who stimulate us in a more positive and pleasant fashion.  In the world at present, there will be immediate obstacles to friendship due to the many existing territorial, competitive rituals common among humans. One area from whence comes a good deal of this resistance deserves special mention. This happens in the male-female relationship. Before we can discuss the next level of intimacy, we must first address one interference factor that effects all levels of intimacy. Whole communication patterns and less functional styles have long been accepted which virtually guarantee obstructions to the spiritual energy flow.  On this curious note, we can proceed to explore these obstructions in the most popular role of relationships, the gender exchange.  Gender Roles  The major impediment to self-development, communications, and the free-flowing energy of purposeful living, has been the nearly universal pattern of humans defining gender roles. Every culture seems determined to divide up human potential and allocate certain attributes to women and others to men. Although it is true that there are some basic biological differences between the sexes, a very large percentage of this variance is due to limiting ideas---slivers---from human culture. Until they are removed, they will have profoundly limiting effects upon the intimate energy exchange.  History is filled with culturally established belief systems and habits of thought which are in place to divide one group of individuals from another. It might be based upon race, religion, nationality, cultural, economics or simply contrived differences. Gender division is a part of this ubiquitous pattern.  Humans need not worry about the real biological sex differences, they will take care of themselves. But they should take vigorous steps to find and eliminate as many of the unnecessary cultural judgments about gender as possible. For the spirit will unfailingly speak of painful limits placed upon needs and desires for every human regardless of the physical form they have donned. This condition sets the stage for energy to seemingly switch on and off, as habitual patterns of thought and action send signals which have distinctly different meanings for either sex.  Scientists currently advise us that there is substantiated evidence that the brains of men and women function differently. This is supposed to confirm the reason for the communication problems which genders have with each other. In fact, it is "mind" that controls brain function and herein lies the crux of the problem.  The gulf between the sexes began innocently enough, in the form of shared labor. It is much easier for two to accomplish a task when each is responsible for a specific part. Since the female of the species carried and nursed the offspring, the duties revolving around the home became her domain. She began to be dependent upon the man for more external functions, as well as to become the keeper of all domestic and family operations---even communication itself. The female was also associated with dark, internal, receptive energies, intuition, submission, and cooperation. And most importantly, she became the keeper of emotion, as the singular receptacle for the realm of spirituality.  Though these qualities served the female well in the performance of her designated duties and societal functions, it tended to relegate those valuable qualities away from the "opposite" gender and into the confines of her nature.  The male of the species became the active one, the aggressor, the hunter, the provider, even the creator. Man would use the logical mind to create the tools and build the communities and compete for scarce resources. Man was dominant and powerful, strong, silent, enlightened, and independent. He was associated with the external, rational, objective, physical world. Man laid claim to most attributes of both body and mind. And in time, his manliness was defined by them, and questioned if he exhibited signs associated with "femininity."  While establishing a list of qualities that encouraged growth and expansion of "reason oriented" talents, this enforced limitation resulted in a deterioration of the natural link between body/mind and Spirit.  The cultural institutions would encourage this division between the sexes through social convention, religious teachings, and even laws which would subjugate and disempower women. Such limits would spur women to develop backdoor methods and even skills of manipulation to gain their needed power. The same institutions would deny spirit itself and would separate men against their own emotions, dooming them to a competitive level of behavior. Each new generation born into such cultures would find a certain limited reality associated with their sex. There are many accepted situations of Earth today, wherein women are not even allowed to educate their minds or freely control their own bodies. And perhaps many more wherein men are not encouraged to even experience their emotions---the very voice of spirit---let alone seek to understand the messages they bear.  As a consequence of this blanket of prejudice, established division was honored as a necessary virtue and, at this very moment, the largest and most influential religious groups still maintain a policy of gross servitude where women are involved.  Unquestioned slivers would become self-reinforcing, and self-preservationary actions would result. For what has actually happened through this gender typing has been an institutionalized separation between the certain aspects of self. This only offers the opportunity for some of the people to meet some of the needs only some of the time. No entity should be born to such unnecessary and correctable limitations. Certain separate types of "energies" are now assumed and associated with masculinity and femininity, yet there is only one pure spiritual energy. Such self-disconnection would become so profound, that the spirits of both sexes would eventually rebel with both social and biological results. The modern movement toward freedom, equality, and androgyny within gender roles evidences this needed rebalancing, as does the biological shift toward alternate forms of sexuality.  Where there is injustice, there is dissatisfaction and determination to correct that injustice. Where there is a deficiency in the guidance of Spirit, that "correction" can result in diversion from a clear course of action.  One consolation is that women have kept spirituality alive and helped it to flourish. This is quite an accomplishment considering that the entire realm of spirit has been long relegated to religion and dominated mostly by the males of the species. But spirit exists within all and is now on the verge of rediscovery. It must take its rightful place in both sexes if civilization is to evolve.  Thus, it is evident that women have a gift worth sharing. It is up to those who pride themselves with having higher intelligence and reasoning power, these being mostly men, to recognize and learn to incorporate these "gifts".  Each entity desiring to be restored upon the destiny path must first reclaim the entire self. The gender roles must be revisited within the context of separation between mind, body, and spirit, in consideration of the six human needs, and the purposeful messages of the emotional signal. It then becomes readily apparent that both sexes need all human attributes in order to even have a chance to know how to approach life. Expressions from fully restored, enlightened humans, can alter the traditions and consciousness at quite rapid rates.  The sexes need each other and they need to familiarize themselves with the positive qualities that the gender roles have perfected. This is a time of expansion on all fronts. To let limited traditions stand in the way is not in anyone's self interest.  Each entity following these messages of spirit and acting upon them within all three purposes cannot help but change the world for the better. All the best concepts within both "masculinity" and "femininity" are important, necessary attributes to bring daily fulfillment. For together they constitute the potential whole of human body, mind and spirit. Each forges a link in the chain of mind-body communication through the voice of spirit. To disconnect a man from his spirit, or a woman from her mind or body is to maim. Each quality is necessary for the functional unity, intercommunication, and flow of energy within the trinity of self. Only then can the flow be restored between members of any given sex and between members of the opposite sex.  It is not just to the benefit of both sexes to restore connections between each other, this restoration also truly benefits themselves. It is /would /could be called a double win. It compliments the value of love of self and another at the same time.  To even begin to have a chance, each entity of any biological sex or sexual orientation should have equal opportunity, freedom, and power enough to control their own destiny. This basic universal right should be self-evident. It is the essential first link in the chain. For one who must compete for basic freedom or power, one who cannot even direct the life events, has no hope of acting purposefully or cooperatively. This means that neither sex should seek to escape into the comforting limitations of either sex role, but to consciously accept responsibility for personal control of the destiny, and attune, with commitment and integrity, to the spiritual voice within. The emotional rewards of such a choice will far outweigh the feeble, temporary comforts of dependence, fatalism, machismo, femcheesemo, and martyrdom.  One can not have growth without risk. If that means being willing to confront one's secure place in life, compliance with the approval of family and friends in order to broaden one's physical/mental/spiritual horizons, then there is little choice but to do so.  When all aspects of masculinity and femininity are considered, the chain of mind-body communicative interaction can commence. There is a special place in the cycle for each passive, active, receptive, aggressive, rational, and emotional thought or action.  This requires the empathy necessary to put one's self totally in the place of the other. Symbolically speaking, each must be willing to "walk a mile" in the other's shoes, know the world through the other's eyes, hear what the other hears and cope with what the other copes with.  First, each member of both sexes must be earnestly, passively, openly receptive to even the most subtle of emotional signals. This receptivity is awareness itself, this is intuition, this is heeding the voice of spirit. Without the receptive quality, no such guidance can occur, and the chain is broken. With passivity and receptivity associated only with femininity, men are instantly left limited to self-preservationary reactions of fight and flight, for the cycle of spiritual information stops before it can even begin. Resistance and defense is the masculine norm. Thus, the reputation for man as warrior, or those of porcine mind who can easily succumb to the motives of the flesh.  As the more bold of the two sexes, man will be called upon to take the initiative in closing the gender gap and be willing and able to do so without the insecurities of giving up masculine qualities. This is not a trading of one quality for another, but an incorporating of both to create a more complete human being.  Next, each entity must enlist the mind to rationally analyze the meaning of the feeling signals in the context of all three purposes and in enlightened understanding of the universal needs. The mind is the most essential component and is quite often left out of the feedback loop, and body is allowed to automatically respond to emotion-invoking situations. Without accurate interpretation of each emotional signal, the chain is broken. Acting upon the emotional signal alone, the mind is bypassed, relegating humans to a level beneath their birthright. Women should no more abdicate their rationality than men should abdicate their emotion. This means that the maximum amount of self-development of mind should be available to, and embraced by, each of the sexes.  Again, this is an example of "not giving up one quality for another", but of each of the sexes using their own strengths to understand their own contrived weaknesses. There is a oneness in nature that is a consequence of the evolutionary process. This is a way to that "oneness".  Next, each entity must again actively enlist the mind to consciously choose the most appropriate corrective response. For the mind alone can only know when the fight response is in order. The mind must first eliminate the other options by directing a right or light response. If the mind is not actively engaged, the chain is broken once again, and the body will respond in fight or flight or appropriate approach reactions. Worse yet, without actively engaging the choices of mind, humans remove themselves from rightful free will. Disempowerment always results. Only through aggressive spiritual expressions can progress be made. Feminine passivity prevents women from the persistent, active expressions their spirit demands. It opens the door to a reputation for femcheesmo, and for mind inclined toward feline, sneaky, manipulative power plays. Masculine competition and independence prevents the necessary communication, connection and cooperation needed to achieve the higher purposes.  The exercise of mind may be more associated with male qualities, but the female can not afford the luxury of putting it aside and relying strictly on emotions or physical communications, if true understanding of the process is to be achieved.  Thus, before intimacy or cooperation can be truly achieved, entities must remove the garments of masculinity and femininity that have been handed down generation upon generation, and dismantle any closets that may have resulted. Entities who are true to their spirit in this manner can enjoy the much greater heights of intimacy, and even sexuality, when one creates wholeness of spiritual fulfillment within themselves. Entities who are tolerant, compassionate, and spiritually connected will no longer feel compelled to cast judgments upon the unique spiritual propensities of one another.  The term "coming out of the closet" applies to more than a less prevalent state of sexual orientation. One nearly guaranteed benefit of this broadening of perspective is a natural propensity to enhance one's creativity, which is a reflection of one's spiritual evolution.  Intimacy and Sexual Love  Once these limitations have been removed the next level of intimacy can be attained. Love is the ultimate pleasurable human experience. Friendship at its highest level can include that spark of physical attraction and the desire to commune physically with one special person. Although humans can engage in sexual activity with others outside of the bond of love and intimacy, the highest emotional rewards come from an intimate sharing with a singular loving other. When one is in love, no other can be but a pale substitute. The connection need and profound pleasure of spiritual love brings humans together in these special physical couplings. This is part of the grand design to perpetuate the species within the most enlightened of conditions.  An act of creating another human being can have no more suitable environment than the bonding of love between two individuals. When this takes place, the result is an optimum condition under which a soul can enter the physical. Even where procreation is not intended, the very act of expressing sincere affection in a physical blending is a profound experience for each individual.  Sexuality is good evidence by the natural pleasure it produces. It is a gift from the Creator, not just simply for procreation but as part of human creative expression. Sexuality outside of procreation is also intended to be chosen within all three purposes and in conditions of intimate love of souls in flesh. It can greatly facilitate the spiritual connection and communicate energy exchange between two humans and is a physical celebration of love. It can also induce altered mental states of consciousness and strengthen psychical energy centers. The physical need for sexual activity, and the pleasure it can bring, is the insurance that the species will continue.  It is an optimum "feel good" experience. In it's own essence, it is an expression of the divine. This is why it often transcends the accepted cultural mores of a society and is then corrupted by the guilt associated with such infractions. Yet, at the moment of peak emotion, there can be no regrets.  Such couplings also serve the higher purposes. They offer a loving, intimate, common world to be designed and shared, a mini self-designed mass reality in which offspring can be raised. The spirit soars to the degree that such common-ground worlds allow for fulfillment of the six universal needs. Children thrive, and energy flows best between two such lovers under such enlightened and empowering conditions. There is such universal agreement about the positive value in the longevity of such couplings that some form of marriage, or formalized coupling, has arisen in each culture.  The permanency of this bond cannot be ignored and the establishment of an institutional seal is a natural consequence of this level of commitment between two people.  Love As Distinct From Need  Yet certain spiritual conditions must exist or the longevity and success of any such union will be severely limited. These are the conditions wherein each member of the unit has the opportunity to develop knowledge and skills, and freedom and power to actively express in ways that meet the six universal human needs. Each individual is intended to do so for themselves under the direction of their own spirit.  In the intimacy of this relationship, each participant must be free to carry out the urges that come from deep within his/her spirit.  Indeed, these free and opportune conditions must exist throughout the world for humanity to succeed as well. But change begins within individuals, moves outward in concentric circles, into their familial units, and then into their communities. Thus, couplings and domestic partnerships can provide the testing ground for spiritual expressions and purposeful change.  If what is expressed between two people can serve to inspire a greater respect and appreciation of humans for each other in general, then this natural urge can serve as a grounding for further efforts to break down the barriers between humans in a general sense.  One very limiting result of centuries of gender typing has been the idea that other persons are responsible to fulfill one's needs. Men have traditionally been held accountable to provide certain things for women (perhaps economic freedom and power), while women have been required to provide other such things (perhaps nurturing, meaning, and emotional support), to men. There is a misguided acceptance that loving someone is synonymous with needing someone. There are mores and even laws which perpetuate a state of codependency between couples. Indeed, the lasting, stable, loving, cooperative efforts of unified spirits allow for fostering of the most enlightened and fulfilled children.  Within the true meaning of an ideal bonding relationship between a man and a woman lies the setting in which any child can evolve to the maximum of his/her potential. With this in mind, each person can bring forth not only their best of each other but the best possible for the resulting offspring.  Yet the divorce rate, neglected children, domestic violence, and spiritual malaise is evidence that mandated mutual dependency is not the way. It will only be through the rejection of any sliver which limits and disempowers any individual, regardless of their sex, that the most successful loving unity can emerge. Independence within a cooperative unit is highly spiritually rewarding, for it fosters the freedom and empowerment for each individual to pursue their purposeful path. Yet doing so in the context of love, connection, intimacy and shared experience, allows the two paths to dovetail.  When each partner can enjoy the freedom to expand their respective talents and still appreciate and adhere to the integrity of the relationship, then the gifts of their respective knowledge and experience can not help but strengthen the experience they share.  The Myth Of Love As Codependency  The division between men and women, and the lack of self-understanding, has perpetuated many limiting ideas and strategies toward love and marriage. Many unions do not survive due to role limitations and dependency upon one another, including the unspoken expectation of one member to have the other member meet their needs. Resentment, anger, and contempt are inevitable if one plays the game, and the other benefits but does not reciprocate. Dysfunction will most certainly result unless both parties are responsible for and expressive about meeting their own needs. What happens then is the energy flow narrows and eventually closes off and love diminishes.  Too often the resentment one partner bares toward the other remains just below the surface where it smolders in an ongoing fashion like a fire beneath a former coal mining town, until the aggregate of all negative feelings breaks the surface and consumes the history of the relationship, resulting in irreparable damage. Or if it does not result in this explosion of expression, it slowly but surely builds a wall of separation on a day by day basis.  Many recommended, but limiting, rules of the marital union reinforce the confusion. The word compromise, for example, means to negotiate a common win-win solution. Compromise does not mean one gives up what they need in honor of another. It does not mean meeting someone half way, somewhere between what each desires, for neither is a single lifestyle. "Self-less" living does not mean giving up one's needs in order to serve those of another---it is not about martyring one's self, gracefully losing a win-lose competition, so another can win. It means rising above the competitive self-preservationary impulses to accommodate all three purposes for self and others. It means melding all parts of each self and designing a lifestyle of common cooperative goals.  A union between two people is a dynamic thing, growing with the passing of time because that is the desire and intent of both. This can only happen if both see the value of this growth. It need not sacrifice the evolving process either physically, mentally or spiritually. Rather, when each serves as a welcome mirror to the other's progress, that intimacy can grow while respect remains intact.  Love And Its Pitfalls  Yes, emotion pushes and pulls humans toward their destiny, with good and bad results. The more the mind is actively involved, the more rapid and purposeful the directions can be. It is easy to see how negative emotions and the self-preservationary avoidance responses can wreak havoc upon individuals and societies. But what can be more insidious are the automatic approach reactions to positive feelings that pull people toward each other. Love, in particular, should be carefully understood within the context of these Lessons. For love, with its propensity to entanglement with sexual procreation, is among the most powerful and volatile of human experiences.  In an era where sex is often confused with love, and the former used as a merchandizing tactic, we have come to regard love as a condition that might follow sexual intimacy and which is likely to be unfulfilled if the sexual relationship is not perfect or lasting. We forget the sex is only one of the ways that humans can express their love for each other and need not be a means to an end.  Love is that unmistakable spiritual resonance with another human being. But like all emotions, love exists in both mind and body, and if either seizes full control, trouble can result. In the mind alone, love can be attached to a love object that is a fantasy or image which matches one's ideal mate, having nothing at all to do with true expressed external connection. Love can motivate delusional fantasies, with compulsive, even violent results. Love can be mistaken for need fulfillment, when other needs for power, freedom or meaning are met within the context of a relationship. Love can be associated with pain, wherein you only hurt or get hurt by the one you love. Love can arise for all the wrong reasons, yet its force of attraction is just as powerful when it is based on slivers, as when based upon gems.  Hence, the expression, "Love is Blind." To see the experience of "love" in a clear light is one of our greater challenges in this life experience. Like mastering any skill that can be harmful if not fully understood, love requires the art of pacing oneself. Since the experience of "love" requires the exploration of one's own nature as well as the other person's, any distraction (particularly sex) from this necessary process, can lead to confusion and distraction further into the relationship.  But perhaps the most all-consuming power of love, is when the body is in full control; when the mysterious spark ignites the body into its sexual mode, bringing love or raw desire into the physical dimension. This is the arena wherein humans succumb to the pleasures of the flesh in the immediate moment. The ideal conditions of procreation are when each party chooses the sexual act within all three purposes, wherein the body, mind, and spirit of each are aligned in the decision. Unfortunately, in the confused modern world, this is more the exception than the rule. Sex outside of purpose can wreak havoc. So much so, that the activity itself has been defiled, controlled, and judged, and it is now laden with a tremendous amount of excess baggage.  The understanding of centuries past kept love and sex more in their proper roles. The so-called liberation movement of the last half of this century in this country is still in the process of finding a balance. Europeans have not been much of a guide in this field as the depth of understanding from that quarter seems even more limited than our own. Many of our western institutions (religious, economic, political and psychological) have failed to define an intelligent course of behavior, with the kind of clarity necessary to capture the imagination. Rather they have furnished us with contradictions and distractions, leading only to greater confusion.  But the baggage has come from the fallout from the distorted motives and actions resulting from misunderstanding the force of sexual desire. Indiscriminate sexual activity, devoid of love always seeks to address other needs beyond procreation, among the six psychological human needs. A female giving in to sexual conquest in order to gain self-esteem is as equally empty a reward as the momentary power gained by the male conqueror who truly seeks more general life control. Combining strategies of competition and anger with the quest for power can motivate rape. Any number of misguided motives and actions can result from the lack of self-understanding and purposeful guidance---many of which result in unwanted pregnancies.  The sexual act, when considered as an expression of giving rather than taking, when considered as an expression of love for the other person and an act of enhancement to the togetherness concept, will take place for the right reasons and highest ideals, rather than for singular and self-centered motives without concern for the possible consequences, be they a pregnancy or a narcissistic act of self-satisfaction.  Cultural Conditions Placed Upon Love  Historically, the love force has proved to be a powerful, yet mysterious and uncontrollable aspect of human nature. Thus, there has been an outcropping of external controlling directives and myths which are designed to counteract the inevitable disruptive and painful events which spring from self-preservationary sexual impulses. There are many useful beliefs about love throughout mass consciousness, but there are just as many myths that do far more damage than good. Love is indeed a gift from above, but not nearly with so many conditions and trappings as might be believed.  Take a pure and simple concept such as "love" and begin to attach rules, dogmas and conditions to it and, before you know it, it begins to break down, unable to sustain itself when more demands are placed upon it than are justified.  Each mind contains a unique mixture of impressions from role models, learned information, and spiritual creative and intuitive insights about the meaning of love. Whole lives can be put on hold due to ideas which limit the suitability of a love object, or they can be filled with the dramatic turnover of many unrequited, or short-lived loves. Each individual has the responsibility of knowing what their mind contains and purposefully designing the most fulfilling strategies. Each belief about love must be carefully granted an audience before the spiritual adjudicator.  To put "love" in the category of a responsibility, is to place it where it is not normally found. To suggest that a current preoccupation with this concept should be examined and subjected to our "spiritual adjudicator" flies in the face of almost all conventional wisdom. Yet, because of the status of the subject in our lives, and considering that it usually strikes in the more critical years of one's life, it would behoove us to approach it as a physical, mental and spiritual experience, with all that is then implied.  But there are some basic misconceptions and popular myths about love and marriage that can be immediately dispelled. The first is that everyone must meet and marry and procreate. If the spirit does not desire marriage, then this message should be heeded first and foremost; for the intended destiny path might necessitate freedom from such entanglements. A spirit forced to conform to normal family standards against its own yearnings will suffer cruelly, as will the others trapped in such a unit.  Marriage is only one of the alternatives in the process of living out one's life. It is not mandatory and, for some, it is not even necessary. Remembering that marriage involves two people, it can not be entered into simply to satisfy one's anxiety about the social attitude toward singlehood, even when the predominant pressure to marry is from one's parent(s).  Wrapped into the myth is another which insists that one male and one female are necessary to produce and parent healthy offspring; when in reality, the loving contributions of many enlightened adults of either sex can foster an enlightened, connected child. The conditions (those described for optimal human development), rather than the players is what determines a successful "parental unit". Even a single parent with a good and stable support network can achieve success far easier than two competitive, fearful, conflicted biological parents.  Whether the enthronement be urban or rural, whether one parent or two, whether affluent or low-income, the bottom line of importance is the determinant that a child has the necessary love and support from the adults in his/her environment to fulfill his/her physical, mental and spiritual potential.  Another, is the romantic myth of a singular soul-mate, that basic missing half of one's soul with which each person is destined to find and reconnect. This myth is meant to promote monogamy and longevity of relationships, but can also set impossible expectations. This is not to say that there are no spiritual destiny paths meant to cross, for this is a common occurrence.  To spend one's life with a person for whom one has strong affection, to share the challenges of that life, to have children together and create an environment in which other lives can bloom, is a feat that should never be degraded on the presumption that the two people involved in this effort are less than a "perfect match," in any sense of the phrase.  But it is to say that there are many potential soul-mates and that progress along the destiny path will be a predictor of who is right for whom at any give point in time. It is to say that the free will and the pitfalls of an unenlightened physical existence can greatly influence the progress. It is to say that humans can cross paths and give each other what they have to offer and then go in alternate directions, that free will can alter paces and probable paths. It is to say that even when a spiritual "soul-mate" recognition occurs, this does not mean an automatic "happily ever after." It is to say that such a person can be a good choice to attempt to build intimacy with, but if one such party is not ready to do so, or are too limited by their own mindscape to the illusions of mass consciousness, it is best to understand this and move on. There should not be shame or guilt when full and purposeful living takes lovers in alternate directions. The marital union should hope for lifelong affinity, but make no promises for enduring the death of spirit.  Because marriage is regarded as such an important concept of lifelong importance, it is probably better to resolve the conflicting issues of one's life before entering into such an arrangement, even if that requires waiting until one has played out that casual sense of commitment in order to go on to the required level of maturity. Marry later, rather than earlier, and the probability of permanency is likely to increase.  It is also true, however, that spirits who recognize one another have a stronger potential of sharing enlightenment with one another. The existing connection can help transcend existing limitations if both are committed to doing so and capable of the trust, intimacy and expressive efforts necessary. Following feelings of approach and love in such cases is a good practice, as long as the spirit is allowed to communicate the right time for letting go should either party be unready for such growth. For purposeful love is only created when completing the circuit of intimacy between two melded souls.  If two people, who are meant to be together in totality for a lifetime, should meet at an early age, then that "destiny" quality need not be deterred. This experience, however, is often the exception.  Any worldviews that put stipulations upon whom one can marry should also be rejected. Religious prejudice, racial tension, and socio-economic class distinctions can all limit the potential pool of love objects. Tremendous limitation has occurred due to such practices. Entire gene pools have been created due to such limitation; some complete with genetic mutations which have been detrimental to the species. A healthy, unrestrained mixing within the diversity of genetic combinations will assure the necessary diversity continues.  While the qualities that married people have in common do tend to make for a comfortable relationship, too much of such commonality can make for a redundant society which, in the physical sense alone, can be detrimental. The very act of mixing cultures, religions or nationalities can broaden the perspective of each soul, as well as bring forth the best of each in their offspring.  Ultimately, so much of human destiny rests upon the unimpeded flow of energy between two individuals. No matter which level of intimacy exists, each will play an important role in the evolving of individual minds and of mass consciousness itself.  Least we forget, in marriage, the total of the relationship is by its very nature, more than the sum of its parts.  When energy is allowed to flow within and between each individual, the spiritual expression is maximized, as is the expansion of the experience of All That Is. But individuals alone are not the only active players in this process. We can now proceed to examine how groups of individuals interacting, can take on lives of their own, creating unique energy dynamics and avoidable obstacles.  So, as individuals connecting with other individuals, we are an example of what nature tends to encourage. This environment of intimacy has all the necessary qualities for spiritual growth.  Table of Contents